People, Y U So Dumb?
At my job, I spend a lot of time people watching and one thing that I’ve noticed over the last six months is how many people lack any form of logic whatsoever. Society has fallen to a wonderful scam involving “Power Balance” bracelets.
The website described these bands as a bracelet that “optimizes the natural flow of energy around the body, and so improves an athlete’s strength, balance and flexibility” because a hologram on it has been embedded with an “electrical frequency” that restores balance to the body’s “electrical field” when it comes into contact with “the natural energy field” (what the fuck does that even mean???). And people buy this bullshit. And it’s not cheap either, the standard bracelet costs $30 and you can purchase sweatbands (also $30) and even pendants (for up to $75).
Clearly something is wrong here. I don’t know how someone could possibly justify to themselves that somehow by wearing a picture on their wrist it can somehow effect how your body distributes its energy or effects the fluid in your ear canal that makes you balance. The ONLY way that this thing can balance your body is if your right arm is 20 grams heavier than your left arm.
It doesn’t help the fact that the brainiacs of the world such as David “Dropped on his head as a child” Beckham, Christiano “I promise I didn’t rape her” Ronaldo have both worn them publicly, meaning many a hooligan has thought that they must work.
Recently, due to many court cases against the companies that make these, they have had to remove any claims that it improves your body in any way and any reference to natural energy fields from the website and the product themselves due to a lack of any scientific evidence.
Also, I have noticed that “Saints” bracelets (seen here) have been becoming increasingly popular. The majority of the people who are wearing these seem to be the same apes that would also own a power balance bracelet and I’m not sure if they realise who the people on their bracelet are or that it’s exclusively a “hide your kids” Catholic thing but that’s a conversation for another day.
On a completely unrelated note, I’m opening an aura polishing company where I’ll clean your aura so that you can transmit your photosynthetic mind waves more easily. This is not a scam. CALL NOW.
